I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mom to my 3 1/2 daughter, Grace. She is such a wild, free spirited, hilarious little nugget! Being able to witness every quirky new thing she says or does makes me feel eternally grateful. Since the day she was born, we have spent pretty much every waking second together. When I have conversations about our kids with other parents, most simply cannot believe that I have put her to sleep every single night since she was born-never spending a single night away from her. I can fully understand others’ points of view. I have just held on tight to this notion that I won’t have a little tiny being wanting me to put her sleep every night for very long. I have this lingering fear of the day she won’t need me anymore. Because of this, maybe there have been times I have held on a bit too tight. I wouldn’t change a thing, but yesterday I did have a bit of a revelation.
My mom has been in town, so my partner and I went to see some live music mid afternoon. We sat at the bar and listened to this incredible musician sing about missed opportunities, time running out, and other depressing, yet beautiful matters. Before Grace, going to shows and experiencing live music was such an important part of my life. I found it so exhilarating and sometimes even magical. Music was a passion and the fact that a single song could be so moving, it truly an incredible thing. Sitting with my partner, listening to live music again, reminded me of something of my old self- a part of my life that I very much loved. I decided I wanted it back. Now comes the next step…how do I get some of my pre baby self back, without losing the closeness I share with Grace? I have no idea! Though I am ready to attempt at figuring out how. Life has to be a balance, right?